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we were just about to the point in the trail where we would repel down the rock wall to where we would spend the day climbing. we came to the most narrow place in the path. todd, our guide, was in front of me and peter was behind me. todd had pretty much all the climbing gear, ropes, carabiners, cam locks, etc. his pack probably weighed about 40 lbs. i had my measly backpack with my harness, shoes, water bottles and some snacks. peter had his backpack with pretty much the same contents but he also had a rope in a rope bag hanging over him.

back to the narrow place in the path.

it was really narrow. to the left was a massive boulder. to the right was a 30 to 40 foot drop. a 30 to 40 foot drop down some major rocks. as we passed through the narrow part, i was a little nervous (i have had a heightened awareness of my own mortality since i attempted to summit mt. rainier) but it wasn’t until it occurred to me that peter, tall, like six-foot three tall peter was behind me. maneuvering around the branches on this narrow part of the path was hard enough for me at five-foot five and the branches were at my face–i couldn’t imagine having branches starting at my chest and trying to push them all out-of-the-way while crossing this super narrow space with gaps between the rocks we were walking on.

whew. we made it through the narrow part.

todd sets our ropes and peter and i prepare to repel down the wall. we put on our harnesses and enjoy the beautiful weather the Lord blessed us with and being outside with good company.

todd finishes setting the ropes and asks us if we’re ready to repel. we look at our harnesses and todd says, “hey peter, you gotta double-back your harness. i’m pretty sure lindsey would like you to make it down the repel and live the rest the day.” for those that don’t know, when climbing, you have to double back the waist belt and leg loops of your harness. that way they won’t come undone (like that crazy scene in the beginning of cliff hanger when sylvester stalone can’t rescue his woman… her harness wasn’t double-backed).

that’s why we have safety checks. so peter double-backed his harness and we were all set. all three of us repelled down the wall and enjoyed a day of climbing from that point forward.

but something really struck me in that moment. something i wasn’t prepared for and something that has stuck with me since last saturday. for the past three years since i’ve started climbing i haven’t really been all that concerned about the danger of it. i simply went about doing things that people might consider dangerous because it seemed like fun. it’s exciting. but something changed that day. suddenly i realized, there is this person i deeply care about doing this crazy dangerous stuff with me. suddenly the danger seemed to overtake the feeling of adventure. suddenly all that was at stake became real. one slip on the path, one lapse in safety measures and nothing would be the same.

this might seem overly dramatic to some, but i don’t think it is. through this experience the Lord showed me something profound. the greatest step of faith in my life to date, is choosing to trust God with peter’s life and my life. and committing to peter, means i’m committing to trusting God’s will for both of us. i know, duh linds. but when mortality comes into the picture, decisions take on a whole new perspective.

before i was blessed with peter i found it easier to trust the Lord with my life in these dangerous situations. truly believing (i know, this might sound morbid to some) that God has my life and if He chose to take it while doing some crazy dangerous thing that’s okay with me. but bring peter into the picture, and wow, my thoughts and feelings change dramatically.

i don’t naturally trust the Lord with peter’s life like i have trusted the Lord with my own. i want to hold tight to peter’s life, protect him, ensure he’s safe and cared for. but i can’t control his life. God is in control, God is sovereign. and walking by faith means trusting the Lord with EVERYTHING, including the lives of the people we love.

i didn’t see this side of trust coming my way. but it makes sense to me. am i going to trust the Lord and His leading knowing He can change the course of things at anytime? am i going to step out in faith in this relationship and know that the Lord promises to be with us no matter the storms, trials, difficulties?

without faith it is impossible to please God. i want to please God. trusting God with this relationship with peter is my greatest step of faith yet. and i praise God for it.

ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one,
       because they have a good return for their work:

 10 If one falls down,
       his friend can help him up.
       But pity the man who falls
       and has no one to help him up!

 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
       But how can one keep warm alone?

 12 Though one may be overpowered,
       two can defend themselves.
       A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.


a friend had this quote in her facebook status message the other day and i just thought it was so perfectly profound for where i find myself right now.

“if we postpone our journey till the storm dies down, we may never get started.”

– JI Packer

Lord – you are as close as the mention of your name and You are the calmer of the storms. let us trust You no matter the situation and circumstances. cling to what is true! we are warriors :-)

I took a personality/work style profile assessment a week or so ago for work purposes. What I found out managed to confirm some of my greatest fears. I fit the perfectionist profile – ack!

I’m bothered by it solely because I so desperately want to be the laid back fancy-free type who can easily roll with the punches and take life in easy, breezy strides. As I write this I’m realizing how ridiculous that is considering even the “easy breezy” people in my life have times of stress, doubt and anxiety.

There are many blessings that will come out of doing this assessment, at least that’s what I’m believing ;-)

But my ‘ah-hah’ moment with the results came when I read the section that explains how people with my profile tend to need fact upon fact to make a risky decision. We need it all laid out for us. So I suppose it’s really not a risky decision then if you can predict the outcome… and herein lies the dilemma.

I believe in Jesus. I have a saving faith.

What is faith? Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

May day! May day! Perfectionism is the antithesis of faith. All hope is lost. I should just give up now.

Okay, totally unnecessary drama, but you see my ‘ah-hah’ moment? If faith is being certain of what we do not see and my tendency is to need all the facts to make a “risky” decision, what does my faith look like?

James 1:5-6 says:

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

If I ask, I must believe.

Oswald Chambers said in today’s devotional from My Utmost for His Highest:

“Are you debating whether you should take a step of faith in Jesus, or whether you should wait until you can clearly see how to do what He asked? Simply obey Him with unrestrained joy.”

This perfectionist is seeking to step out in faith and trust the Almighty God in a season of radical change. Here we go Jesus!

ps. I found this whole perfectionist thing quite comical as well because my house and my desk at work do not even remotely look like a perfectionist lives and works there. Just in case you were wondering ;-)

I looked in the mirror today.

I look in the mirror everyday when I get ready in the morning. And I steal glances in the mirror everyday that hangs in the hall outside my office at work. It was nothing new then to walk by the mirror in the hall outside my office this morning and steal a glance. I say steal because God forbid someone see me look at myself in the mirror, how vein of me.

But today, when I stole a glance, I stopped. I didn’t recognize who I saw. It was as if I saw someone else. It wasn’t me.

The woman I saw in that mirror did not reflect the heart behind the face, the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the body. The woman in the mirror looked good. Her hair straight and long, her makeup enhanced but didn’t cover her features. Her clothes were stylish, but not too stylish—classic is probably a better term.

But go inside. And her heart looks different. Drastically different. It’s ugly. It’s dark. It’s insecure. It’s jealous. It’s paralyzed by fear. It’s content in apathy. It’s judgmental. It’s far from what God wants for it.

Beauty is a pure, clean heart. Beauty is one that is surrendered to God and knows how much He loves her. Beauty is saved by grace through faith and forever changed by it. I’ve lost beauty. I have a decision to make, fall on my knees and find Him, find the beauty or surrender to the loss. I want beauty.


John 15:7-8– 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

I read Genesis 48 today as I’m at the point in Beth Moore’s Believing God study where she takes us through the Hall of Faith in the book of Hebrews. Today was Hebrews 11:21: By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.

She touched on one point and it stood out in a major way to me. Jacob, when blessing Ephraim and Manasseh, purposely crossed his arms so that his right hand was resting on Ephraim and his left hand on Manasseh. At that time, the blessing given to the first born was to be given by placing the right hand on him, in this case, Jacob intentionally put his right hand on the younger of the two sons. Joseph got a little fired up and told Jacob to switch his hands back, but Jacob knew it was God’s will to bless the younger over the older.

There are a few things here that are fascinating, but the one that really spoke to me today is the fact that the blessing was to be given to the first born yet God decided, in His sovereign plan, it should go to the second born in this case. Fabulous, big deal you might say. But that’s the thing, it IS a big deal. God decides what the “rules” should look like and He decides when to “break” them.

I like order. I like organization. I like things that have steps laid out for them A, B, C, etc. And while I know I commune with the God of order, I felt this passage showed me yet again (I need to hear a lesson 110+ times before I get it and even then I’m bound to forget it down the line) that my God, the Sovereign God decides how His story will look. How He will receive the glory.

In this case He decided number 2 would get the blessing. Why did God decide it had to be that way? I don’t know and even if I studied this in depth I’m sure there would still be some kind of mystery behind it. Because that’s just the thing. God doesn’t need a reason. He’s God. He’s in control. He’s got a perfect plan. And sometimes, His perfect plan “breaks” the rules.

The question to apply here is, will I trust Him in my life when He “breaks” the rules? When the plan He sets before me may seem contrary to what I thought would glorify Him most?

wow. i listened to this for the first time today and i want to keep it on repeat. the lyrics are POWERFUL.

yep, i sure do. i heart school and my study area. seriously, i’m so grateful to God for the blessing of my home and the cozy little corner in my living room He’s blessed me with for studying. (I know, a picture of it is kinda ridiculous but i couldn’t help it!)

last night i had the shades slightly open so i could see the snow fall when i’d glance up from my reading and it was the most perfect setting to study in. i’m just amazed that He has blessed me with this privilege of studying His word in an academic setting in addition to everything else He has done. utterly grateful today for my God. He doesn’t have to do any of this, yet He does. i’d choose Him again and again and again over all of it, and that i can say with confidence. but it would be remiss of me not say i am totally and utterly grateful (is that event the right use of that word, remiss??).

i’m studying the Holy Spirit in the book of john and learning so much. what i love about seminary is unlike when i was in school before and i’d have to take classes i knew i would NEVER use (eh-hem, like an excel course using nested-if statements etc. yes, for all of you who went to IU and had to take K201 that’s what i’m talking about!) i’m learning about what i believe and finding out for myself what the Bible says about my faith.

the Holy Spirit is a HOT topic in the world of evangelicals and unfortunately has caused a lot of division, which is such a tragedy for the Kingdom of God, so i’m really enjoying studying it for myself and finding out what i believe and why i believe it. i’m being challenged for sure, testing what i claim to believe, what i agree with and don’t agree with. i’ve had to drop the proverbial baggage i come to the Bible with and let the Lord reveal to me what His Word truly says about this incredible indwelling third of the Trinity.

i recently heard beth moore say something to the effect of, if you study His Word it should only bring you closer to him. that’s my prayer, that as i continue to study His Word i will only grow in my love for Him and understanding of His will for my life, for His creation and for His Kingdom.

that’s pretty much the best word to describe my current state. and i am so grateful to God. i was trying to come up with some clever post for today, some really cool way to explain how God met me in a simple yet beautiful way this weekend, but the only thing and what i think is the best thing i could come up with is the word BREAKTHROUGH.

i imagine this is how hannah felt after pleading to God for a child and leaving her plea on the altar, trusting her God. i love hannah, i love her story. and i believe i just might understand her a little more after this past weekend.

thank you Jesus.

this might sound super silly, but i put my faith in the Lord to the test today. okay, not really my faith i guess, more like my belief in His power. i had to do some work-work this morning before i could dive into my quiet time and then start my paper for school.

backing up, i got a reminder yesterday from my church that today i needed to attend a meeting to help write our curriculum for the early childhood ministry at church. now besides the fact that this is hilarious because i am no good with toddlers, nor do i have a teaching bone in my body – when i was a substitute teacher i rocked at it only because i had grown-up in the schools i was subbing in so i could easily “bribe” the kids with, “i’ll tell whatever you want to know about all your teachers if you do your work first.” (i know, horrible right?!?! but i will note i never spoke a poor word of any of my teachers to those kids, just used it as a way to get them to do their work, and it DID work)- i had set this day aside to work on my paper. i do better work when i have huge chunks of time rather than little ones and especially when i can start my day and go right into it. so i planned on not attending. i figured the ladies in my group are smarter than me anyway on this stuff, oh, and more creative.

so back to the work-work to be done before my quiet time. i really thought i had planned well, my colleague and i had set things up in such a way that we’d tag-team, if you will, the work that had to get posted online in a timely manner. what we didn’t consider is the fact that we both use macs at home. so windows media files were not gonna open on our computers. when our trusty coworker explained to us the lovely little software we could use to convert the files, we happily began that process. but then my coworker realized she needed her roommates password to download the software. needless to say the roommate was gonna be MIA until way past our deadline. so i had to take one for the team and do the work myself. not a big deal, but it did throw everything off as it took a lot more time than i had planned.

once completed i started my quiet time. right now i’m doing the study, believing God by beth moore for a second time. if you are reading this blog and you haven’t done that study, you NEED to. seriously, it’s the only study i’ve ever done that i think everyone and their mom should do. it’s INCREDIBLE and FAITH CHANGING.  anyway, i digress. so i progress in my quiet time to the point that it’s time to listen to this week’s sermon. and as i’m listening to beth speak about believing God and believing that He can do what He says He can do i got super convicted… i wasn’t believing God to quicken my mind and increase my time that i might serve Him where i have committed to and come back to studying later.

i was so convicted that i brought the sermon into my bathroom, hopped in the shower and tried to get ready as fast as i could to make it to the meeting. and wouldn’t you know, i was the only one from my team who was able to go.

so tonight and for the next week, i’m believing God to help me get this paper done and get it done well. i know, this sounds super silly, but i’m feeling super challenged lately to believe God in ALL things, no matter how small they might seem. even as small as multiplying my time and quickening my mind to understand all that i need to know to do something like a school paper.

luke 1:37: for nothing is impossible with God.

i am creature of habit and i love routine. i hate to even admit it as when i think of people who can describe themselves like that, i hear “stuffy, boring, no-fun.” uh-oh, hope that’s not me!

so, i’ve decided to spice things up… for the past 2.5 years i’ve been journaling in the same kind of journal. i finish a journal and buy the exact same one and begin my new one. they are all black with the exception of one that has a blue cover, but i decided after the blue cover that i would stick with black as i couldn’t find any other colored covers of that journal that i liked. but, the time has come, i am going to step out of my box and try to buy a pretty one, one with colors, maybe a print on it… hmm…

one thing though, i’ve found it’s so important that i have a journal i want to write in. the paper needs to be a certain kind and flexible but not too flexible covers. i hope i find one quickly, there aren’t that many pages left in my journal!

check out these two journals from paper source:

Take your post. Those are the wise words delivered to me by a wonderful woman of God. I learned a lot in my conversation with her. I was honest, brutally honest with her about how I was feeling: the inadequacy, the jealousy, the uncertainty, the fogginess, the lack of trust, lack of belief. And she just looked at me with eyes that said, “I know, its okay. I’ve been there too. You’re not a bad person―you’re human.”

She reminded me of the truth I had lost sight of, the truth I tried to put in front of my face and hoped would drop from my head to my heart. But alas, I needed to hear it from a loving, caring and encouraging woman of faith. I’ve said it 100+ times before and I will say it 100+ times again, He knows what we need and how we need it so we’ll receive it.

So, the truth she reminded me of, the post (aka where I find myself serving in the Kingdom) where God has called me, is just that, the post where HE has called me. No one else has placed me there. He has. He has gifted me for certain things and somehow in some way they help the Kingdom move forward. He’s opened my eyes to how each post in Kingdom work is significant because God made it that way, not because of the people He assigned to it.

I’ve taken my post with pride―a pride in the Lord that He would allow me to serve Him even at all. No matter what it looks like. It’s not about me, it’s about Jesus.

I left lunch that day knowing the knowledge had made the journey from head to heart. Now it’s my job to cultivate it in the heart.

Psalm 84:10 – Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

i’ve heard people say forgiveness is a choice. i think trust is too. yes, i think people need to earn trust. but i think it is a two-sided equation, you need to give trust to those who desire to earn it. the more you give, the more they earn. the more they earn, the more you give.

so today i did a search for vereses that talk about trust in the Bible. and wouldn’t you know, a passage of scripture i have read 100+ times, heard 100+ times and in fact have stated that when i get married i will not read this passage at my wedding, is the very passage the Lord used to speak LOUDLY to me today.

from 1 corinthians 13:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

wow. love trusts. i love. i must trust.

i’ve been a huge advocate for titus 2 ministry (let the older women teach the younger women) yet i never really found myself in a place where i’ve seen it in full motion like i did this past weekend. it began friday when i met with a wise and wonderful woman from my church for lunch. she spoke into my life in such a way that only God could make happen. she didn’t judge me or my situation, she just listened, smiled at me as i talked – i could see it in her eyes, that “i know exactly where you are kiddo” look. and she did. she’s been there, done that, has lived to talk about it and is ready to equip me so i don’t have to make mistakes i might have if i were to “go it alone.” the peace and comfort i felt by the time our lunch ended was totally something that can only come from a God-ordained and anointed conversation.

it also encouraged me to see that one day, Lord willing, i will sit where she was and counsel a younger woman in my shoes. for now though, i am more than happy no, delighted really, to be on the receiving end. oh Lord, bring wisdom and courage my way :-)

then on saturday we had a women’s event at my church, the first of its kind we’ve ever done and it was powerful! we began with powerful worship and then my pastor’s wife brought a word and then gave her testimony. both were incredible! afterwards there was a time for women to pray with each other and for each other. i know God moved that day in many, many lives. we then had a time of Q&A with a panel of women in various seasons of life: single, married, single mom. there were so many questions and so much wisdom offered. it truly was a massive titus 2 event.

i am so grateful for the body of Christ, so grateful to be surrounded by such strong and courageous women of faith.

i’ve found there is nothing more beautiful and profound than God’s word. and perhaps the byrds knew that when they used the Bible for their lyrics. i wonder how many have heard their song and felt the draw to the living God…

today this is what the Lord has washed me with. a beautiful passage of scripture that speaks for itself.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

someone very dear to my heart wrote this to me today:

“i really believe that as we accept what He has in store for us in our lives, He can move mountains through us.  i know this well as i surrender more to Him each day.

do your best to walk and talk in the joy of the lord even as He works on you.  not covering up and hiding your feelings and battle but happy to be alive, your confidence will lift and others will know your grace as you battle.”

thank you Lord. that is my prayer :-)

praise God for days off when you can just be with Him and not have any obligations. i’ve hit a wall. i actually hit this wall months ago. and He has been quietly persistent with me in all this. gently reminding me that He wants to bring me to the next level with Him, but that it’s up to me to go there with Him (and not in the sense that my faith is dependent on me, but in the sense of will i go “there” with Him-if that makes any sense).

i wrote in a previous post that i’m struggling with intense feelings of jealousy these days. i’ve realized a lot of that stems from the fact that i see these incredible women of faith growing in the Lord, loving on Him, delighting in Him, experiencing Him on a much greater and deeper level. and that’s what i want!

so here i sit. i have a choice: will i wallow in the ugliness of jealousy and long for what they have but do nothing about it and let this jealousy rob me of what God has for me, or; will i seek Him diligently and boldly? will i trust that His word is true when peter says “God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right” (acts 10:34-35)? will i trust Him in this? will i be so bold to exercise those spiritual muscles and trust He will complete the work He has started?

james 1:3-4 – 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

oh Lord, make me mature and complete, lacking nothing!

The semester has begun and I am so extremely EXCITED for the class I’m taking. The class, Biblical Theology of the New Testament, is taught by a man I deeply respect. His name is Dr. Bill Thrasher. I’ve never had a class with him before, but a few years ago when I was unhealthily (is that a word, I don’t think so, but I like it) fearful that I would never get married, that I had somehow earned the punishment of singleness for life, I read his book Believing God for His Best: How to Marry Singleness with Contentment. It was the first book on singleness that I read that gave me hope. And it was the first book I ever read that helped me recalibrate my brain to really appreciate being single―and I don’t mean it taught me how to say being single is a gift; it really helped me see the beauty in it and to appreciate it for all its worth. It was the first book I read and didn’t finish thinking I’ll never be satisfied in this state of singleness.

Instead, I finished the book with a desire to wait on God. To wait for God’s best for me and to fall more in love with Jesus as I did. And this isn’t a waiting like with baited breath hoping prince charming will round the corner on his white horse any minute. But believing God that He put the desire on my heart for marriage and while I wait for that desire to be fulfilled I will move forward with Jesus, pursuing Him, letting Him pursue me and seek to become the woman the Lord made me. It opened my eyes to the fact that the Lord is in control of all things.

It helped me see, God’s timing and His plan are perfect. I don’t have to be perfect, I’m not being punished as I wait―I’m in a state of singleness because God decided this for me right now. That’s not to say I was brushing off the fact that I needed then and still do now a lot of Jesus and a lot less of me. But it helped me to see there isn’t something fundamentally wrong with me. Okay, I think I just totally rambled there; it was just such a radical change in mindset for me. Totally liberating.

So, now this semester I get to learn from this very wise man. I’m so excited and eager to see what God does in me through this class. I just know it is going to be good!

That’s me. I’m an elf. I look around me and I see GIANTS. Massive, strong, solid GIANTS. And I’m an elf. Small, tiny, squeaky. This is how I feel most days. And it’s because I’ve been blessed with this incredible church that is filled with the super godly. I know we are all human and we all fall short of the glory of God. But I kid you not; I haven’t been many places in my short life as a Jesus-lover where there has been such a concentrated group of on-fire-for-Christ people.

This is a blessing. But my flesh and the enemy would have me believe it is a curse.

I’ve been battling this insecurity since the day I came to my church, which coincidentally is where I’ve met most of my amazingly godly girls. But the most recent battle showed me much of what I still need to learn and accept. We’re all different but created for a purpose and this will never be rooted in my heart until I understand just how much the Lord loves me. Jealousy rears its ugly head when I take my eyes off the Savior. Insecurity penetrates deep to my bones when I don’t dress in the armor of God, “forget” to hold my sword high and run instead of just stand.

I’m doing a study (by Beth Moore of course!) on love right now and learned something fascinating. 1 John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”

From the study: “Perfect love refers to love which is mature, not lacking boldness or confidence and therefore, not hampered by insecurity or anxiety which is characteristic of immature love.”

You see, I’m the administrative type (ooh, how I hate to even admit that). My brain operates in one mode most of the time, efficient. I know in and of itself it’s not a bad thing. I think of a list of places I need to go to run errands and immediately my brain puts it all in the proper order of how to get it done the fastest based on where I am currently located and where I would like to end up. It’s this weird gift/curse I’ve had since I was little. (Being the oldest of four girls might have a little something to do with it.)

So, often when it comes to ministry things I’m asked to help in areas where administration is needed. And I love to serve in that capacity but I also feel like, “is this it? Is this all I have to offer?” Because in my head administration is so not spiritual. For example, you need a woman to pray over you or with you, I’ve got a friend for that. You need a woman who will open the heavens with the way she leads worship, I’ve got a friend for that too. You need someone to love on you with the love of Christ, I have another friend for that. I could keep going but you get the point, Apple’s got an app, I’ve got friends :-)

Me. I’m practical (not spiritual) to a fault. Visionary (spiritual) I am not. But the Lord is trying to show me something, and if I would just get out of the way, I just might see it. He made me this way for His purposes and loves me just as I am. The visionary needs someone like me to figure out the logistics behind making the vision a reality. I don’t consider myself a prayer warrior, a worshipper or all that compassionate (all things I desire to become). My giftings are much more administrative and communication-oriented. I do have faith and usually it isn’t too hard for me to believe God for the impossible. But my flesh and the enemy would love for me to minimize all that I am and look at my sisters with eyes of envy, allow myself to remain in a state of immature love, living in insecurity.

So I am fighting these days to stay in the Spirit and out of the flesh; to not let that punk we call the enemy steal my love and respect for all the amazing and godly women He’s put in my life; and to truly grasp God’s love for me. This sounds utterly crazy to me, but I even made a list of all the things I am and have it taped to my bathroom mirror. It even includes things I don’t think I am quite yet, but that I know with the Lord’s power I will be. It’s actually really powerful (seriously, I feel like I should be that guy from SNL who looks in the mirror and says to himself, “I’m smart enough, I’m good enough and dog gonnit people like me!”).

Okay, so I will conclude my random ramblings with this truth from God’s Word:

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

I’ve been emailing with a sweet friend this week and besides hoping this keeps up (it is a HUGE blessing) I’m reminded how important it is to be in community and to dialogue about His Word and what the Lord reveals to us through it.

We are two women, in different seasons of life, yet both lovers of Jesus. And that, the love of the Lord, has made us fast friends.

I shared with her something the Lord showed me regarding Mary, the mother of Jesus, a year or so ago. And it went something like this:

In Luke 1 we read about Mary’s encounter with Gabriel:

29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

34“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

35The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. 36Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37For nothing is impossible with God.”

What the Lord showed me here is that even Mary, who had great faith and instead of saying to the angel, “heck no, I can’t be the mother of the Savior” she essentially said, “ok, but how is this gonna work?” Even she needed to hear the testimony that her cousin, old in age and considered to be barren was with child. God knew she needed Gabriel to testify to His incredible power with a tangible story, a tangible miracle.

When the Lord showed this to me I was like WOW!! Lord, You are AMAZING!! How you know our every need and desire and how you lead us just as we need to be led because You created us. I was and still am just mystified by this and so grateful. So grateful that the Creator of the universe would testify to us about His greatness. Like we deserve that? Thank you Lord.

Praise God this ministered to her and then she responded to me about how this passage ministered to her, and essentially this is what she shared with me (I’m paraphrasing and taking the liberty to explain how what she told me ministered to me as our conversation is private :-)

She explained how she was Mary and had to accept that the Lord was asking to grow in her. To accept that no one would be able to see him right away and no one would know that she had Jesus in her until she started to grow! And then came Joseph, he had to take Mary at her word and believe her that the Christ was in her. And then the vision came to Joseph and he believed. Mary and Joseph together were amidst others who may or may not believe their story. All they could do was tell the truth and remind each other.

I went on to add: and it was nine months until the Messiah was born and 30 years until He performed His first miracle. And yet Joseph believed Mary, not without struggle I’m sure, but he believed.

This challenged me greatly. Will I believe God that He is birthing something in me? Even if I can’t see it right away? Will I believe God that He is birthing something in the people around me like Joseph believed Mary? Will I believe God at His word, the scripture promises He has given me even if I don’t see the fulfillment of them for what seems to be a long time to this small human mind? Will I believe God to change my focus from being all about me and my struggles to being all about Him and the work He has created me to accomplish for Him?

i don’t have anything profound to share today just soemthing simple and basic: every new year’s eve for the past three or four years i have read oswald chamber’s devotional for this day from his book my utmost for His highest. it ministers to me each time i read it and truly charges me up for the next year. 2009 has been an incredible year of miraculous blessings, unexpected change and intense challenges and i know these challenges will bleed into 2010 as well as new challenges. but i also know the blessings will continue and in order to walk in the fullness of these blessings i must embrace the challenges and trust my God to continue the work He has promised to complete. i’m excited for 2010 and can’t wait to see what the Lord does :-)


You shall not go out with haste, . . . for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard —Isaiah 52:12

Security from Yesterday. “. . . God requires an account of what is past” ( Ecclesiastes 3:15 ). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present.

Security for Tomorrow. “. . . the Lord will go before you . . . .” This is a gracious revelation— that God will send His forces out where we have failed to do so. He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our “rear guard.” And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all the claims against our conscience.

Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste . . . .” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

i read this prayer this morning and thought i’d share. it is beautiful.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.


– St. Francis of Assisi

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