Sometimes I just can’t stand being human. I’m very aware today of the struggle between my humanness and the call to be holy like God is holy.

So I wrote a few days ago about the conviction I felt about not going to a children’s ministry meeting, so in the middle of listening to a sermon I picked up my lap top brought it into my bathroom so I could keep listening while I showered and got ready at lightning speed to make it to the meeting. And I’m glad I went, even though my presence resulted in my designation as the teacher of the toddlers for the weekly Tuesday night prayer meeting (the meeting is weekly but I’m on a monthly serving rotation). I am not a teacher nor am I very good with toddlers. Babies, yes, I love babies. Toddlers, I’m no good with toddlers. Coupled with the fact that I’m not a teacher, I knew those poor kids would be in for something that night―something good? Don’t think so, but definitely something.

But alas, the snow storm the weather men were calling for has hit and the prayer meeting has been canceled. So what does this have to do with being human? I’m kinda, sorta really glad it was canceled… I’m glad it was canceled so I have an extra evening to work on my paper that’s due Thursday morning. I’m glad it was canceled because I knew I’d be distracted while I was trying to teach the kids thinking about the paper due Thursday. And this is why I just can’t stand being human sometimes.

You see, there are many, many people, especially the moms of those toddlers that could really use a prayer meeting tonight. And while I know I have nothing to do with the weather, hence why in legal terms massive weather events are called acts of God, I can’t help but feel convicted of my attitude. It was/is all about me too often.

But what I started to see in the past few days, even though teaching these toddlers is WAY out of my comfort zone and not a natural gifting of mine, I was really starting to get excited about it. You see, the Lord really spoke to me about the moms of these little guys, and the fact that there are plenty out there who don’t know Jesus. If I can serve their children, help them to know that their babies are in good hands, teach the little guys about God and His word, while mom gets to sit in a prayer meeting, what kind of Kingdom impact could that be? But here I am, more concerned about my paper and getting it done even though I’m the one that planned poorly and got myself in this place.

I plan to remind myself of the conviction I feel today for the next time I’m supposed to teach the toddlers. I plan to remind myself how much more important Kingdom impact is than getting a paper in on time (although I do plan to schedule my time better so I don’t find myself in this predicament again).

** I read through this post before posting it and felt like I still needed to publish it, but I also need to add a little something. You see, there’s another element at work here. I did go to the meeting on Saturday believing God to make time for me to do my paper… perhaps this was God’s answer to my belief? I won’t ever know for sure this side of heaven and I certainly won’t begin to think that my need to get a paper in on time is even remotely close to the needs the people would bring before the Lord tonight in prayer had we still had prayer meeting, but what I do know is I can take it as just that [an answer to my belief] but ALSO ask the Lord to grow my heart to be like His, a lover of all His people; and, to make me more like Him, a selfless servant of all. **