recently i’ve had some encounters with my past, if you will, and the Lord in His sovereignty used them to open a chapter in my life that i thought i had finished. i thought i had prayed through, cried through, laughed through, endured through this chapter all the way to the end. but apparently this chapter has it’s own epilogue. and this epilogue has it’s own title: FORGIVE.

i’ve sat through many sermons and even read a book or two on forgiveness, and each time, no joke, i thought wow, i’m so thankful i was never hurt, betrayed, abandoned, etc. to such a degree that i “couldn’t” forgive. apparently i’m not as self-aware as i thought i was.

so right now, i’m praying that the Lord would help me to forgive one last time, truly move on from this chapter, and into the blessing that i know awaits :-) the problem, there is a part of me that almost likes holding on to this small amount of bitter unforgiveness. i know, sick right? it’s like this weird comfort of getting to hold on to the nasty thing of the past, remind myself of it to make me feel bigger and better than the offender. when in reality, all it does is slowly create and deepen a gap between me and my God.

i don’t know how long it will take to move beyond this last little bit. i feel like i’m only in the introduction of this epilogue, but i am confident in the God i serve and know that He will guide me and show me how to do this. i have been forgiven much that i might forgive much. now to make that real.

matthew 18:15-35